Luke and Leia Sit in a Bar
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Luke and Leia are sitting at a table in a bar. The juke box is playing:

Star Trekkin' across the universe,
On the Starship Enterprise under Captain Kirk.
Star Trekkin' across the universe,
Boldly going forward 'cause we can't find reverse.

The waitress comes over to their table. The waitress looks suspiciously like Chewbacca, but that's only because she's the same species. You know she's female because she has a short flirty skirt (Wookies don't ever cross dress and this isn't that kind of bar anyway.) She has the Wookie, over the shoulder, ammo magazine belt; on her, it looks cute.

Because she's the same species she uses the same language, er, grunts. (Don't tell her I said that, Wookies, when they feel insulted are prone to rip off the arms of the person insulting them. I think Solo said that, but he's not here so I can't check.)

Fortunately, Luke can understand Wookie from long association with a "wretched hive of scum and villiany" (meaning Solo). Leia also can understand, because she's a princess, duh.

Well, it's life, Jim, but not as we know it, not as we know it, not as we know it;
it's life, Jim, but not as we know it, not as we know it, Captain.

As if the juke box is a cue, in walk Kirk and Spock. They see Luke and Leia and walk over to their table.

Ah! We come in peace, shoot to kill, shoot to kill, shoot to kill;
We come in peace, shoot to kill, shoot to kill, men.

Kirk pulls up a chair and says to Leia, "Fancy meeting you in a place like this. Can I buy you a drink?"

Leia looks him over coldly (Shatner has been putting on weight lately, as he always does near the end of the season, but that's not the reason for her coldness, this is just the way she always treats smarmy drunks in a bar; she's a princess, duh), "We've already ordered."

"Then why is this sack of flea bitten bones still standing here?" he slaps the Wookie on the butt, "Lucy, I'll have a cheeseburger and a double on the rocks."

(Lucy is indeed her name; Kirk never forgets a pretty face.)

Everybody freezes, not just at the table, but the whole bar (remember that ripping arms bit?) The bartender (Yoda, of course) reaches under the bar for his lightsaber baseball bat. (I'll bet you didn't know they made those. They're just like a light saber, but without the sharp edges. Yoda doesn't want to kill anybody; it's bad for business.)

Spock says, "Uh, Captain?"

Then Lucy starts laughing. I admit, a Wookie laughing sounds just like a Wookie mad, or in distress, or talking quantum mechanics, or frankly any other emotion, but Kirk, Luke and Yoda understand. Yoda puts down the bat. Leia turns to Luke, "What was that?"

(Even princesses are allowed some misunderstandings, think about it: half of fairy tales wouldn't exist except for misunderstandings. But she's smart enough to ask. (Smart princess? Duh: she did tell Solo she loved him (finally) just before he says the greatest line in all of Star Wars even counting all the sequels, prequels, and additional side story movies. I don't know about the cartoons.) Hint: two words.)

But it's Lucy who answers. A rough translation: "Just another rowdy drunk; he's harmless. His phaser is stubby and it's always set to stun."

It's worse than that, he's dead, Jim, dead, Jim, dead, Jim;
It's worse than that, he's dead, Jim, dead, Jim, dead.

Luke stands up, "You keep your hands off my sister!" This confuses Kirk (if that is possible; he is a starship captain, duh) is Lucy Luke's sister? He hasn't touched Leia.

Yet.

Spock says, "Captain?" and Yoda picks up his bat again.

What also confuses Kirk, is this young man face to face with him. (When Luke was disguised as a Storm Trooper, Leia asked him, "Aren't you a little short for a Storm Trooper?" They didn't know they were brother and sister back then.) Wearing lifts destroys your posture and hurts your back; that may be why he changed out of his boots before going drinking with Spock.

Ye cannae change the laws of physics, laws of physics, laws of physics;
Ye cannae change the laws of physics, laws of physics, Jim.

Leia says "Luke," Spock repeats, "Captain?", and Yoda, hefts his bat. Yoda would rather not knock his protege Luke unconscious (he has no qualms about beating up starship captains), but if that's what it takes to keep peace in his bar, that's what it takes.

Once again, it is Lucy who saves the day. Another rough translation, "We don't serve cheeseburgers in here, and you never specified a double of what."

Kirk has now been outgunned, outmanned, and out logicaled.

It is just not Kirk's day.

"A double handful of Bantha poodoo, for my friends here will be fine," says Kirk, "come on Spock, they don't know how to party here, let's find somewhere they do."

As they walk out the door, Spock holds up his hand in that gesture that only Nimoy could do, and has resulted in dislocated fingers in generations of teenage Trekkies ever since, but instead of talking about life expectancy, he says, "May the Fourth be with you."

There's Klingons on the starboard bow, starboard bow, starboard bow;
There's Klingons on the starboard bow, scrape them off Jim!
Ye cannae change the scripting, Jimmy!
It's worse than that, it's physics, Jim.
Bridge to engine room, warp factor 9.
Och, if I give it any more she'll blow, Cap'n!
. . .
Star Trekkin' across the universe,
Boldly going forward 'cause we can't find reverse.

Leia looks at Luke, "Brother, next time I'm putting the coins in the juke box, and I'm choosing The Cockroach that Ate Cincinnati.